The Finer Threads

of the spider's web

Recently I had lunch with an ex co-worker-friend. I left the company over 5 years ago, and we’ve stayed in touch - though for a year or so our relationship was touch and go.

She’d pulled away after being offended by something I said in 2020. The quick backstory is we’d arrived simultaneously at our usual place and met at the entrance. There was a sign on the door requiring masks. She put hers on, and expected I would do the same and when I proceeded to open the door maskless, it was clear she was uncomfortable walking in with me.

Once at the table the subject was unavoidable. I already knew she didn’t think masks were about stopping a virus. We’d covered the real science on masks at a previous lunch when they were recommended, but not yet “mandated”. I reminded her of that discussion.

She justified her compliance with the oft-used “to make other people feel safe” reasoning. I was quick to point out that compliance to nonsense only supported people in their illusions. And, further, going along would only lead to more irrational compliance down the line. In my mini-rant (fueled in part by our waiter signaling his unhappiness with me by dropping my utensils onto the table) I mentioned “sheep” and my friend assumed I included her in that. (I suppose inadvertently, I did.)

When we hugged good bye I felt a new distance and post lunch I didn’t hear from her for over a year. (Though when I texted holiday greetings, she did reply in kind.) When I finally did hear from her - she sent a letter in snail-mail - she explained why she’d stopped communicating, and apologized. I give her lots of credit for this.

We resumed lunches again sometime late 2021 or early 2022.

Over the last year of meeting every couple months, we side-stepped all things Covid and I focused on asking her questions about her young kids and demanding job. I was highly aware that we were repairing a tear in the fabric of our friendship and this took priority. Besides I am genuinely interested in her life, so focusing on safer ground was easy enough.

At our lunch a couple weeks ago, however, when the conversation turned to the strange state of the world in general, she asked me. “Well, what do you think?”

“Really?” I said, surprised. “Do you really want to know?” She nodded and so I spoke. It went on for a long time - longer than I intended. (She asked a few questions which added to the larger response.) As I was wrapping it up, I said I didn’t expect her to believe it all. The notion of our government being involved in a global culling was not something one immediately accepts and that even with my certainty of it, there had been many layers of denial along the way.

She admitted listening to me brought up a lot of fear and that her strategy has been to ignore the news entirely. She said she doesn’t want to know. I replied that maybe that was the right thing for her. (I didn’t say, “Since you asked, some part of you must want to know.) And of course I get it. Her life is full with family and work and it’s tough enough without adding the weight of fear.

Later, driving home, I noticed a persistent questioning about what I’d said - not that I remembered it all. I soon realized that was a dead end and waste of my time: I said what I said, what came to me to say. Should I have remorse just because it evokes fear in someone else? No. I spoke my mind - with a good amount of restraint - calmly, without emotion and only after a green light from her.

So what was this niggling doubt I was feeling?

I realized the self-doubt was not about what I said, but whether I should have said it. And that realization was unnerving.

I’m 150% for everyone saying what they think. It’s not a luxury; it’s essential. The notion of freely speaking ones mind has been intentionally eroded - for who knows how long - and this is one of the central components of control. The delegation of opinion to the expert or authoritative is part of that. (Are you qualified to speak?)

While expertise clearly has its place, one of the things we recently witnessed was its massive failure. (If you weren’t an expert but maintained some common sense and enough connection to your body and self-sovereignty, you faired much better than those who plugged into the experts.)

Restrictions - of any kind - placed on thought and discourse is incompatible with freedom. Yet, I also realized in order to stay connected to my friend, I had stifled myself over the last year or so.

To be clear, I’m not saying that was wrong. It’s a navigation. (We both valued our friendship enough to move past the riff by tip-toeing around the potential landmines.)

What I am saying is that when invited to express my opinion, afterwards I noticed this vague self-doubt showed up. Having observed it, I now see it as an effect of the spell; the propaganda-narrative around non-compliers and conspiracy theorists. I can see where it has, in fact, penetrated me.

Grrr.

There was even a subtle feeling of having done something wrong by saying what I thought.

How messed up is that?

With a little more distance now, I realize this isn’t surprising at all. Of course that ubiquitous narrative has penetrated me. This is exactly how these massive psychological operations work. The divide and conquer model, however obvious at one level, is far less obvious at others. The spell is akin to casting a wide net or web, some of which will contain finer threads that are harder to see.

Having identified its effects on me, it becomes an opportunity to free myself from those threads. Simply having been spotted, they begin to lose their grip. Being seen, there’s nothing left for them to hold onto. The light of awareness naturally dis-spells the spells.

We are so much bigger than any narrative-web they spin and attempt to trap us in.

And of course there will be some discomfort that is natural when we share information with those we’re not on the same page with. (Or, book even.) Vulnerabilities are going to show up, misunderstandings too. We know that. Venturing over to that parallel world running alongside this one, feels dangerous because real things get risked. But self-doubt and guilt? That’s something else interfering, in my opinion.

If I went too far - and maybe I did - my friend may pull back again. (She’s in the spell too and has been entrained to see me as dangerous, let’s not forget.) Had she not been a close friend for over a decade I probably would have shared less. The invitation to offer my view was so welcome because, for a good year we’ve been negotiating this awkward gap. Where once our friendship was seamless, where easy laughter often bubbled up and we both comfortably shared the “real” stuff, our more recent dance has been… less than satisfying.

I don’t know what happens next. But I know that these inklings of doubt about simply saying what I see, are not coming from me. They were provided; given to me. These doubts were planted intentionally to keep a divide going.

I addressed this topic in a previous post.

It's a Given

These doubts are designed to create distance. To silence and muffle. They are an intrusion to squelch an open mind; an invasion on free thought; “counter measure” thought-forms, I believe in fact, designed to keep us quiet.

The war on humanity has many layers, some are overt and physical, some scream loudly, some come via innuendo and others are so subtle they reach into our very inner selves, arriving like whispers of barely noticed self-doubt.

Identifying them for what they are, is the best reason to keep talking.

Thanks for reading.

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