“What always is needs no invitation” — will be taking this up as a daily reminder. I know the feeling of presence you speak of and remembering it fills my cup. I wish I had read this when it came out as it was in the midst of the most arduous three weeks I’ve had in the last few years. Arduous but fulfilling. But your advice from a year ago of letting go of knowing everything that’s happening and just touching more grass really hit home so I’ve been doing a lot of that. May we all face the end of our physical walk here on earth with as much grace as your aunt. ❤️
Hi, Kathleen. Late to this again; avoided reading as seeing your name in my inbox triggered my self-annoyance at not having written for ages. But now I'm enjoying this lovely post that mirrors the changes I'm noticing, as well. You have a gift for expressing the ineffable.
Yes, I know that trigger. What can you do? Something else is calling.
I've certainly wondered at the differences in how we all navigate the breaking-down alongside the emerging.
I wonder most at those who carry on as if commenting on the latest headline matters, confident at their interpretation and meaning. (Though even my most die-hard lefty neighbors have lost their confidence. Trump is still the focus of what's wrong, but I get the sense they just go with the narrative given. I notice more space for doubt.)
Surely they too are being freed of the stranglehold and the spells.
Birds are announcing the new day here. I don't sense any distress in their song so I think I'll take my cue from them.
Thanks for the kinds words. Wishing you good things, Joanie. Thanks for reading.
Dear Kathleen, I saw this in my inbox, but wanted to wait until I could give it the presence your posts always deserve. You managed to put into words (not so easy, I know) the calm and loving state that we're meant to (at least much of the time) exist in. Thank you for the timely reminder.
I find myself wanting/needing to pull away from these devices more and more, even while treasuring the beautiful, deep relationships that have been the saving grace of some of these platforms. Words that connect us. Teach us. Help us heal. Make us laugh. It's a conundrum.
I think Thich Nhat Hanh is somewhere smiling at your dishwashing experience. :) XOXO
Still in the process of catching up with those who've forged ahead, especially those with such style as your own.
Though I won't go into excruciating detail here and now, I've also experienced a few times where the 'Veil of Maya' has dropped. (Substack buddy Inge Jarl Clausen has really been on this from a philosophical perspective.) But I will briefly describe my first because it mirrors a bit of your Aunt's perception.
I was a freshman marine biology student, and at the end of the scuba diving licensing course, on my check-out dive. On the way down, I slowly dropped through a painful depth and had unknowingly ruptured my sinuses rather than equalizing pressure. And when coming up and hitting that same depth, the air in my middle ears expanded, and I got vertigo. Not knowing which way was up or down, I felt a tickling sensation around my nose, and then saw my mask filling with blood. The water pressure could no longer keep it in my sinuses.
Well, that instinctual 'fight or flight' reaction was useless because the danger could not be distinguished between me and my surroundings. So, I gave up. Or rather 'gave in' — and accepted the fact that my life was now coming to an end. I can't even begin to describe what was happening to my synapses and hormones when that choice was made (did I even have a choice?) ... but just like in the movies, my life flashed before my eyes, like a split-second shuffling of photographs. And I was not only okay with it, but mildly surprised. Kind of a ... 'Oh. So that's what it's all about.' moment.
I didn't do the hokie-pokie, but I gave up any vague aspiration to follow in the swim strokes of Jacques Cousteau, and suddenly became interested in philosophy. Oh, and I didn't die. 😂
I've had 4, maybe 5 similar experiences since then, a couple of times 'alone but not alone', in wilderness ... but not from the fear or danger of death. More of an accumulation of thought that cascaded into itself, leaving me face-to-face with an immediacy and involvement that words can only point to and never capture.
Alas, the world of career and busy-ness, being what it is, has little patience, curiosity, or understanding of the implications of those transcendent experiences. I have never seen hints of such experience on standardized tests, nor an officially approved curriculum even hinting at the phenomenon. So I learned to keep quiet among acquaintances, co-workers, and family. And when I find those rare few who've both experienced such moments and integrated those experiences into their daily life and behavior, sharing a knowing glance and smile is enough.
Will leave you with a delightful morning's read and watch of what it's all about ...
Steve! So good to read this and hear your 'voice'.
And so wish we were sipping tea in a relaxed setting where I could ask some follow up questions. :-)
For sure I'd want you to expound on: "Oh. So that's what it's all about.' moment."
I loved this:
"More of an accumulation of thought that cascaded into itself, leaving me face-to-face with an immediacy and involvement that words can only point to and never capture."
That immediacy bit. I've used that word too in attempts at capturing though agree it can't be captured.
And yes, the world seems to have little patience or curiosity for understanding those transcendent moments. (Which I've always been curious about.)
I don't think it's by accident inquiries and experiences going beyond conventional framing have been filed under 'woo-woo' and relegated to instantly suspicious, or that notions of the Divine have been projected outwardly with the ultimate spiritual something wrapped up in an external authority that requires petition and compliance to access. (As Paul Wallis has put it: Pay, pray & obey.)
Immediacy and involvement - when you experience that - there really is no pretending there's anything 'out-there' required. It re-orders everything, most importantly oneself.
And thank you for the links - MellowKat and your buddy - both so intimately involved in Nature. Both so pleasurable and heart-opening to observe.
I'd love to hear about those other experiences, Steve. I hope you well and enjoying.
Getting the 'bad and ugly' outta the way first... I loved that 'Pay, Pray & Obey' quote, as it sums up a lot of one's career in Japan, too. I might add one more word to capture the constant drone of 'Japanese exceptionalism' in the textbooks and on the T.V. — Pay, Pray, Propagandize, and Obey.
But we 'Muricans get shovelfuls of that stuff too. I can't help but to wonder about the education and entertainment in some of those tiny countries with no dog in the fight.
Now the good.
Oh lordy, we have world enough ... but time? That is one slippery eel. Being pulled by friends in need in a few directions, as I am pulling on them. One is having her house remodeled beginning in less than two weeks, another is helping me to dance around the potential for double taxation next year, and the third ... I am not sure if I mentioned, but documentary director Hayato Onishi has reached out to me to translate and narrate part of his movie questioning the plandemic. I saw it last December in Tachikawa (West Tokyo) with one of the friends mentioned above, and again in March in central Tokyo with the other friend I mentioned.
I met him after he gave a brief address to the audience following that first showing, and though I urged him to make an English version for the international audience, he declined out of safety for his family and company. But he had a change of heart about a month ago, and so I've been burning the midnight oil to help him make the deadline for its international debut in France next month.
Robert, The Kamakura Gardener, has also been advising and helping with the edits ... but won't go into much detail there because he still works part-time at NHK, a bit too close to the heart of the beast in Japan. Will just say that he is extremely well-informed about the scale and depth of the assault on our bodily autonomy, so I expect to be having tea with him and Onishi san in the next month or two.
But getting back to those rare experiences — as you know that I know that you know ... (ha, that mandelbrot thingy) ... if I begin filling in the blanks, I'd be entering a wordy-wormhole that, like a black hole, would suck me into it until I disappeared like the Cheshire cat, leaving a quickly fading trail of essays, poems, short stories, or more behind. Ever since that first, easier-to-describe underwater experience, I've wanted to do so.
One thing I learned in undergrad when trying to analyze and dissect through literal language (philosophy or psychology) those moments on their own, is that eventually, I would either get mired in contradictions and tautologies (for example, choosing which meaning of 'meaning' I will use), or put down the pen, and join some more fun-loving buddies, pass around a joint, and listen to some jazz.
Or the funniest experience, pass around said joint, while sitting around a small table and looking at an impertinent potato, while it looked back at us. And we didn't back down. We looked back at that spud, and then simultaneously burst out laughing ...
congratulating each other on not being a potato.
Ah, but back to the everyday life you brought up, I also realize that those extraordinary moments did not happen in isolation from a near constant struggle for growth and authenticity. Who knows? Maybe those long-haul ups and downs were more important. The little things.
And if I write about those rare moments, it would be the equivalent of touching the tip of the tail of a seahorse on the mandelbrot set — and risk missing the forest for the trees.
Though it is a pleasure to find someone with whom to share this otherwise nearly taboo topic, distilling those moments in conversation is still difficult to get through without my eyes welling with tears and lapsing into one of those silences pregnant with meaning.
As you can guess by now, I have so much to say about something I am reluctant to touch so closely — at the moment. Some of what I say may sound like nonsense to some, 'art' to others, or to a very few such as yourself, a 'matter of fact'.
Aggh ... I just wrote down the events leading up to four such experiences, and then chose to cut them for now. Without molding them into art, conversational prose wold be a disservice. Will save them for later... maybe in private messages or in their own posts.
But I guess in a way, everything we've shared up until, and including, now is a reflection of those moments. As you pointed out, those moments are the only touchstones we need on which to stand and hail another passing ship in the night.
I plan on picking this topic back up now and then, and sharing some occasional anecdotes I've found in others more qualified than me. Without going into the 'spiritual strand' of literature or religion, Steinbeck comes to mind as more than hinting at it. And then the prose of Aldo Leopold is ripe with it, in an oblique way. Maybe 'A Sand County Almanac' is my favorite book.
Speaking of which, the witching hour is fast approaching, and I am half under its spell, and without a spell checker for the moment. 😂
Eyelids getting heavier, so will say So will bid you an 'oyasumi nasai' for now ...
Life sounds happily busy for you Steve, friends in need suggest a well-knitted life indeed.
And no I didn't know about translating the documentary. What a wonderful use of your time and talents. And I enjoy hearing about what sounds like your growing community of thoughtful people.
"Maybe those long-haul ups and downs were more important. The little things."
I like to think so. Trusting that unseen Orchestration.
"...if I begin filling in the blanks, I'd be entering a wordy-wormhole that, like a black hole, would suck me into it until I disappeared like the Cheshire cat, leaving a quickly fading trail of essays, poems, short stories, or more behind."
That made me smile. The spud story, I laughed out loud. You're clearly a natural at capturing what can't be captured.
I hope you do pick up the topic and share it. Your writing is effortless and gently provoking. I think you've mentioned the Sand County Almanac in an earlier exchange which I've not read. (Mentally placing it on that
Currently reading The Book of Aquarius by Anonymous. Hmm... A timely revisit though I've never read it.
Mostly though life is busy, new gig at garden center which while stretching me in some ways, feels like a natural - almost inevitable - fit. Trusting the orchestration.
And grateful we can meet in this space. Very Best to you, Steve.
I just finished a marathon-sprint, translating, editing, and recording to help Onishi san prepare his documentary for its international debut. For logistical reasons, we couldn't record Robert's voice, and my voice varies too much depending on the time of day or my mood ... so I spent a lot of time striking a bargain with the devil (tweaking A.I. voices).
Now helping a friend prepare her home for some major renovations — professionals coming in for a month's work from next week — kitchen, bathroom, bedroom — wiring, plumbing, gas — the works.
Thank you for those compliments on my writing. I'm just glad I'm able to hide most of my thinking, rethinking, edits, and more edits ... hoping I am making for effortless reading. When I read you and a small handful of similarly talented wordsmiths such as Mary or Dean Scoville, I realize how far I still have to go.
I've not heard of 'The Book of Aquarius', so will check out Anna's Archives for it. Thanks for the heads up!
In the meantime, 'A Sand County Almanac' is an easy, leisurely read because it is broken up into such small chapters, each complete in itself. Great for a 5 minute read before heading to bed, or sipping on a cup of coffee the next morning.
Will keep you in the loop about that documentary, and will hint to Onishi san that I have some friends who can't make a trip to France, but might be interested in his (now, our) work. 😅
Winding down to take a break. But will be in touch soon.
Cheers to ya Kathleen!
ps. Oh damn ... this (YouTube's 'Auto translate' is close enough) —
My comment under the post ... in both English and Japanese ...
— Business as usual — just like in America. The government and corporate sectors are not two separate entities. They are two hands of the same 'Public Private Partnership' beast. Back in the day, we had a simpler word for it. 'Fascist'.
You are a daily inspiration, Kathleen! Can that term be used for someone who encourages you to do nothing? I was always a natural but I'm turning it into an art form, thanks to you.
I've just arrived in my Appalachian hometown and read this while listening to the chirpy birds and mourning doves and having my second cup of coffee--this time with wild violet syrup, an interesting experiment but one I won't repeat. Sour and bitter are best in other contexts. I'll save the wild violets for a cocktail.
I was just taking photos of my other farmer market finds to show how hard mountain folk work for a buck: forsythia blossom jelly, pumpkin butter and homemade sourdough bread, a dozen multicolored bantam eggs for $3, a wildflower bouquet with a huge purple iris, rosehip & hibiscus bath soak and spring rejuvenation sugar scrub. And OMGdess, the packaging! Even the flowers came in a paper sleeve with a ribbon.
I was making salmon last night (with my fresh dill and cucumber) while sipping on some local bourbon and practicing a few dance steps to a bachata playlist. I was suffused with a sense of wellbeing, not just bourbon-induced. It's been a lasting glow. It's there now with the current clouds skudding along in front of their slow-paced elders. And it's in the electric green flies buzzing on the (cat? dog? groundhog?) poop freshly laid in my flowerbed. All good although not permanent, thank Goddess!
I lost the previous while brushing cookie crumbs from my keyboard. So I started a draft called Thriver's Guilt and duplicated it this time. I want to talk back to that voice in my head that says, 'Well that's very nice for you but for the rest of us ..." We don't need to have a fancy label like meditation to act like doing nothing is virtuous. Glad you're modeling the dishwashing road to enlightenment! And happy that you come back once in awhile to be with us, in the midst of just being.
Oh my Goddess Tereza, what a fun bounty - forsythia blossom jelly? That's new. Eggs for 3 bucks? Did you travel both east and back in time?
This made me smile - mostly cause it's so.. YOU.
"I was making salmon last night (with my fresh dill and cucumber) while sipping on some local bourbon and practicing a few dance steps to a bachata playlist. I was suffused with a sense of wellbeing, not just bourbon-induced. It's been a lasting glow. It's there now with the current clouds skudding along in front of their slow-paced elders. And it's in the electric green flies buzzing on the (cat? dog? groundhog?) poop freshly laid in my flowerbed. All good although not permanent, thank Goddess!"
Agree - the labels aren't required, and probably get in the way.
Enjoy your local bounty of goodies (I know you will) and let us know how the forsythia jelly is. Best.
I join you in your simultaneous attention withdrawal into full presence, into "just this," Kathleen. (Damn. Words generally fail on describing "just this," you're so right...🙄 But thank you for putting words to it; your attempt succeeded wildly for me.)
If we were in person, we could just be in "just this" together and see each other's smiles of recognition. Someday. 😊
What a precious experience with your aunt; I'm honored and blessed to share it through your beautiful writing.
I love the feedback, Mary and I'm glad you knew what I was getting at!
Honestly these days (I am busy with a new job at a local Garden Center, which post-June will chill out) I write only when I get that inner signal and am moved to. And it has to be quick and come out whole as I likely won't get back to it. So I was delighted when my aunt experience showed up. (I'm not surprised she gifted that on her way out, she was such a significance presence all through it.)
Kathleen, it's so nice to read your "stuff" again, and this post is soooo good. "Just This" is so perfect, so simple, and so easy, but we so often miss it. And I've also missed reading your words of wisdom. I've always appreciated your depth of thought. I picture you as one of the "desert mothers," only you seem to gravitate to the woods. That's New England, after all. I needed this reminder that what we are experiencing, in what we think is reality, in fact, isn't. You said: "What we’ve been living in - the experience of separation, of striving, making our way, as separate identities in the world - that’s the illusion." And thank God for that, right? lol More please! xox
I did live in the desert late 90's for a year. I found it creatively-rich. I imagine you do as well? Speaking of which how is your writing going? I hope I haven't missed an essay but that's certainly possible.
Thanks for reading and commenting - as always with your kind encouragement. Hope life is full and happy. XOX
Thanks, Kathleen. No, you haven't missed any of my recent writing since April 10th. I've been slow getting back in the swing of it after my back issue. And yes, I do love living in the Southwest. As I've said before, it's just one panoramic view after another of wide open spaces, and I find it captivating. I hope life is treating you well also. Take care and keep sharing your deep thoughts. xox
Yes, the sense of being right where you are, doing what you're doing.
Not regretting the past, not fearing the future.
Just being, and witnessing the dance around you.
Chop wood, carry water. On the lake holding the fishing rod. Mowing the grass.
Automatic attention on the mechanics while the mind rests and captures the dance of nature.
Nature is the presence of God. The perfect balance that somehow always works perfectly even when it doesn't.
I think this is why chemtrails disturb me so. It feels like the rape of that perfection. It interrupts the dance.
Sleep is often such a beautiful pause as well. When the mind allows everything to matter not, and dreams come with their surprise.
This is why death doesn't frighten me. The final time of slipping into the dreamworld. I can think of worse places to be.
Especially now that I recognize the dream state before I fall asleep. Still awake, and aware of dreaming. That tells me that the program is always running. It doesn't happen. It is. I am.
Beautifully expressed, Phillip. Not that I'm surprised by that.
"Nature is the presence of God. The perfect balance that somehow always works perfectly even when it doesn't." Couldn't concur more. Always right in front of us.
Appreciate your reading and enriching comments. Best.
This is my first stop in the morning before I read news or emails or look at anything else at all... https://www.mpeters.de/nisargadatta/index.cfm Click it and there appears one gem after another. Here's what I encountered just now that fits nice with what you've written...
"As all waves are in the ocean, so are all things physical and mental in awareness. Hence awareness itself is all- important, not the content of it."
“What always is needs no invitation” — will be taking this up as a daily reminder. I know the feeling of presence you speak of and remembering it fills my cup. I wish I had read this when it came out as it was in the midst of the most arduous three weeks I’ve had in the last few years. Arduous but fulfilling. But your advice from a year ago of letting go of knowing everything that’s happening and just touching more grass really hit home so I’ve been doing a lot of that. May we all face the end of our physical walk here on earth with as much grace as your aunt. ❤️
Hi, Kathleen. Late to this again; avoided reading as seeing your name in my inbox triggered my self-annoyance at not having written for ages. But now I'm enjoying this lovely post that mirrors the changes I'm noticing, as well. You have a gift for expressing the ineffable.
Hi Joanie!
Yes, I know that trigger. What can you do? Something else is calling.
I've certainly wondered at the differences in how we all navigate the breaking-down alongside the emerging.
I wonder most at those who carry on as if commenting on the latest headline matters, confident at their interpretation and meaning. (Though even my most die-hard lefty neighbors have lost their confidence. Trump is still the focus of what's wrong, but I get the sense they just go with the narrative given. I notice more space for doubt.)
Surely they too are being freed of the stranglehold and the spells.
Birds are announcing the new day here. I don't sense any distress in their song so I think I'll take my cue from them.
Thanks for the kinds words. Wishing you good things, Joanie. Thanks for reading.
"the differences in how we all navigate the breaking-down alongside the emerging."
Beautifully put.
Yes; birdsong, not one, but two dogs now, and things blooming are my life right now.
Love and blessings.
Dear Kathleen, I saw this in my inbox, but wanted to wait until I could give it the presence your posts always deserve. You managed to put into words (not so easy, I know) the calm and loving state that we're meant to (at least much of the time) exist in. Thank you for the timely reminder.
I find myself wanting/needing to pull away from these devices more and more, even while treasuring the beautiful, deep relationships that have been the saving grace of some of these platforms. Words that connect us. Teach us. Help us heal. Make us laugh. It's a conundrum.
I think Thich Nhat Hanh is somewhere smiling at your dishwashing experience. :) XOXO
Thank you, Barbara. I'm honored by that. And beautifully said on the ongoing conundrum.
Of course it would have be simple and profound at once.
Relief from the heat this morning - yay! - I'm sure you're feeling it too.
Love and pink-wishes to you. XOXO
Hello Kathleen.
Still in the process of catching up with those who've forged ahead, especially those with such style as your own.
Though I won't go into excruciating detail here and now, I've also experienced a few times where the 'Veil of Maya' has dropped. (Substack buddy Inge Jarl Clausen has really been on this from a philosophical perspective.) But I will briefly describe my first because it mirrors a bit of your Aunt's perception.
I was a freshman marine biology student, and at the end of the scuba diving licensing course, on my check-out dive. On the way down, I slowly dropped through a painful depth and had unknowingly ruptured my sinuses rather than equalizing pressure. And when coming up and hitting that same depth, the air in my middle ears expanded, and I got vertigo. Not knowing which way was up or down, I felt a tickling sensation around my nose, and then saw my mask filling with blood. The water pressure could no longer keep it in my sinuses.
Well, that instinctual 'fight or flight' reaction was useless because the danger could not be distinguished between me and my surroundings. So, I gave up. Or rather 'gave in' — and accepted the fact that my life was now coming to an end. I can't even begin to describe what was happening to my synapses and hormones when that choice was made (did I even have a choice?) ... but just like in the movies, my life flashed before my eyes, like a split-second shuffling of photographs. And I was not only okay with it, but mildly surprised. Kind of a ... 'Oh. So that's what it's all about.' moment.
I didn't do the hokie-pokie, but I gave up any vague aspiration to follow in the swim strokes of Jacques Cousteau, and suddenly became interested in philosophy. Oh, and I didn't die. 😂
I've had 4, maybe 5 similar experiences since then, a couple of times 'alone but not alone', in wilderness ... but not from the fear or danger of death. More of an accumulation of thought that cascaded into itself, leaving me face-to-face with an immediacy and involvement that words can only point to and never capture.
Alas, the world of career and busy-ness, being what it is, has little patience, curiosity, or understanding of the implications of those transcendent experiences. I have never seen hints of such experience on standardized tests, nor an officially approved curriculum even hinting at the phenomenon. So I learned to keep quiet among acquaintances, co-workers, and family. And when I find those rare few who've both experienced such moments and integrated those experiences into their daily life and behavior, sharing a knowing glance and smile is enough.
Will leave you with a delightful morning's read and watch of what it's all about ...
https://mellowkat.substack.com/p/a-sanctuary-for-wildlings
And a buddy just an hour south of me ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWUdGydOFRI&t=226s
Thanks, Kathleen, and a hug for this opportunity.
steve
Steve! So good to read this and hear your 'voice'.
And so wish we were sipping tea in a relaxed setting where I could ask some follow up questions. :-)
For sure I'd want you to expound on: "Oh. So that's what it's all about.' moment."
I loved this:
"More of an accumulation of thought that cascaded into itself, leaving me face-to-face with an immediacy and involvement that words can only point to and never capture."
That immediacy bit. I've used that word too in attempts at capturing though agree it can't be captured.
And yes, the world seems to have little patience or curiosity for understanding those transcendent moments. (Which I've always been curious about.)
I don't think it's by accident inquiries and experiences going beyond conventional framing have been filed under 'woo-woo' and relegated to instantly suspicious, or that notions of the Divine have been projected outwardly with the ultimate spiritual something wrapped up in an external authority that requires petition and compliance to access. (As Paul Wallis has put it: Pay, pray & obey.)
Immediacy and involvement - when you experience that - there really is no pretending there's anything 'out-there' required. It re-orders everything, most importantly oneself.
And thank you for the links - MellowKat and your buddy - both so intimately involved in Nature. Both so pleasurable and heart-opening to observe.
I'd love to hear about those other experiences, Steve. I hope you well and enjoying.
Hugs back.
Howdy, howdy, howdy Kathleen!
(A reference to my favorite Gary Larson comic 😂
scroll to the bottom ... https://screenrant.com/funniest-far-side-comics-disney-parody-mickey-mouse/),
Getting the 'bad and ugly' outta the way first... I loved that 'Pay, Pray & Obey' quote, as it sums up a lot of one's career in Japan, too. I might add one more word to capture the constant drone of 'Japanese exceptionalism' in the textbooks and on the T.V. — Pay, Pray, Propagandize, and Obey.
But we 'Muricans get shovelfuls of that stuff too. I can't help but to wonder about the education and entertainment in some of those tiny countries with no dog in the fight.
Now the good.
Oh lordy, we have world enough ... but time? That is one slippery eel. Being pulled by friends in need in a few directions, as I am pulling on them. One is having her house remodeled beginning in less than two weeks, another is helping me to dance around the potential for double taxation next year, and the third ... I am not sure if I mentioned, but documentary director Hayato Onishi has reached out to me to translate and narrate part of his movie questioning the plandemic. I saw it last December in Tachikawa (West Tokyo) with one of the friends mentioned above, and again in March in central Tokyo with the other friend I mentioned.
I met him after he gave a brief address to the audience following that first showing, and though I urged him to make an English version for the international audience, he declined out of safety for his family and company. But he had a change of heart about a month ago, and so I've been burning the midnight oil to help him make the deadline for its international debut in France next month.
https://hippocrates-movie.jp/
https://www.tvu.co.jp/contact/ohnishihayato/
Robert, The Kamakura Gardener, has also been advising and helping with the edits ... but won't go into much detail there because he still works part-time at NHK, a bit too close to the heart of the beast in Japan. Will just say that he is extremely well-informed about the scale and depth of the assault on our bodily autonomy, so I expect to be having tea with him and Onishi san in the next month or two.
But getting back to those rare experiences — as you know that I know that you know ... (ha, that mandelbrot thingy) ... if I begin filling in the blanks, I'd be entering a wordy-wormhole that, like a black hole, would suck me into it until I disappeared like the Cheshire cat, leaving a quickly fading trail of essays, poems, short stories, or more behind. Ever since that first, easier-to-describe underwater experience, I've wanted to do so.
One thing I learned in undergrad when trying to analyze and dissect through literal language (philosophy or psychology) those moments on their own, is that eventually, I would either get mired in contradictions and tautologies (for example, choosing which meaning of 'meaning' I will use), or put down the pen, and join some more fun-loving buddies, pass around a joint, and listen to some jazz.
Or the funniest experience, pass around said joint, while sitting around a small table and looking at an impertinent potato, while it looked back at us. And we didn't back down. We looked back at that spud, and then simultaneously burst out laughing ...
congratulating each other on not being a potato.
Ah, but back to the everyday life you brought up, I also realize that those extraordinary moments did not happen in isolation from a near constant struggle for growth and authenticity. Who knows? Maybe those long-haul ups and downs were more important. The little things.
And if I write about those rare moments, it would be the equivalent of touching the tip of the tail of a seahorse on the mandelbrot set — and risk missing the forest for the trees.
Though it is a pleasure to find someone with whom to share this otherwise nearly taboo topic, distilling those moments in conversation is still difficult to get through without my eyes welling with tears and lapsing into one of those silences pregnant with meaning.
As you can guess by now, I have so much to say about something I am reluctant to touch so closely — at the moment. Some of what I say may sound like nonsense to some, 'art' to others, or to a very few such as yourself, a 'matter of fact'.
Aggh ... I just wrote down the events leading up to four such experiences, and then chose to cut them for now. Without molding them into art, conversational prose wold be a disservice. Will save them for later... maybe in private messages or in their own posts.
But I guess in a way, everything we've shared up until, and including, now is a reflection of those moments. As you pointed out, those moments are the only touchstones we need on which to stand and hail another passing ship in the night.
I plan on picking this topic back up now and then, and sharing some occasional anecdotes I've found in others more qualified than me. Without going into the 'spiritual strand' of literature or religion, Steinbeck comes to mind as more than hinting at it. And then the prose of Aldo Leopold is ripe with it, in an oblique way. Maybe 'A Sand County Almanac' is my favorite book.
Speaking of which, the witching hour is fast approaching, and I am half under its spell, and without a spell checker for the moment. 😂
Eyelids getting heavier, so will say So will bid you an 'oyasumi nasai' for now ...
Great chatting with you Kathleen.
Chatting with a piece of myself.
Life sounds happily busy for you Steve, friends in need suggest a well-knitted life indeed.
And no I didn't know about translating the documentary. What a wonderful use of your time and talents. And I enjoy hearing about what sounds like your growing community of thoughtful people.
"Maybe those long-haul ups and downs were more important. The little things."
I like to think so. Trusting that unseen Orchestration.
"...if I begin filling in the blanks, I'd be entering a wordy-wormhole that, like a black hole, would suck me into it until I disappeared like the Cheshire cat, leaving a quickly fading trail of essays, poems, short stories, or more behind."
That made me smile. The spud story, I laughed out loud. You're clearly a natural at capturing what can't be captured.
I hope you do pick up the topic and share it. Your writing is effortless and gently provoking. I think you've mentioned the Sand County Almanac in an earlier exchange which I've not read. (Mentally placing it on that
Currently reading The Book of Aquarius by Anonymous. Hmm... A timely revisit though I've never read it.
Mostly though life is busy, new gig at garden center which while stretching me in some ways, feels like a natural - almost inevitable - fit. Trusting the orchestration.
And grateful we can meet in this space. Very Best to you, Steve.
Hi Kathleen.
I just finished a marathon-sprint, translating, editing, and recording to help Onishi san prepare his documentary for its international debut. For logistical reasons, we couldn't record Robert's voice, and my voice varies too much depending on the time of day or my mood ... so I spent a lot of time striking a bargain with the devil (tweaking A.I. voices).
Now helping a friend prepare her home for some major renovations — professionals coming in for a month's work from next week — kitchen, bathroom, bedroom — wiring, plumbing, gas — the works.
Thank you for those compliments on my writing. I'm just glad I'm able to hide most of my thinking, rethinking, edits, and more edits ... hoping I am making for effortless reading. When I read you and a small handful of similarly talented wordsmiths such as Mary or Dean Scoville, I realize how far I still have to go.
I've not heard of 'The Book of Aquarius', so will check out Anna's Archives for it. Thanks for the heads up!
In the meantime, 'A Sand County Almanac' is an easy, leisurely read because it is broken up into such small chapters, each complete in itself. Great for a 5 minute read before heading to bed, or sipping on a cup of coffee the next morning.
https://annas-archive.gl/md5/73877d887045b05f6fdbea17444078b5
Will keep you in the loop about that documentary, and will hint to Onishi san that I have some friends who can't make a trip to France, but might be interested in his (now, our) work. 😅
Winding down to take a break. But will be in touch soon.
Cheers to ya Kathleen!
ps. Oh damn ... this (YouTube's 'Auto translate' is close enough) —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzoB3G_W8bY
My comment under the post ... in both English and Japanese ...
— Business as usual — just like in America. The government and corporate sectors are not two separate entities. They are two hands of the same 'Public Private Partnership' beast. Back in the day, we had a simpler word for it. 'Fascist'.
You are a daily inspiration, Kathleen! Can that term be used for someone who encourages you to do nothing? I was always a natural but I'm turning it into an art form, thanks to you.
I've just arrived in my Appalachian hometown and read this while listening to the chirpy birds and mourning doves and having my second cup of coffee--this time with wild violet syrup, an interesting experiment but one I won't repeat. Sour and bitter are best in other contexts. I'll save the wild violets for a cocktail.
I was just taking photos of my other farmer market finds to show how hard mountain folk work for a buck: forsythia blossom jelly, pumpkin butter and homemade sourdough bread, a dozen multicolored bantam eggs for $3, a wildflower bouquet with a huge purple iris, rosehip & hibiscus bath soak and spring rejuvenation sugar scrub. And OMGdess, the packaging! Even the flowers came in a paper sleeve with a ribbon.
I was making salmon last night (with my fresh dill and cucumber) while sipping on some local bourbon and practicing a few dance steps to a bachata playlist. I was suffused with a sense of wellbeing, not just bourbon-induced. It's been a lasting glow. It's there now with the current clouds skudding along in front of their slow-paced elders. And it's in the electric green flies buzzing on the (cat? dog? groundhog?) poop freshly laid in my flowerbed. All good although not permanent, thank Goddess!
I lost the previous while brushing cookie crumbs from my keyboard. So I started a draft called Thriver's Guilt and duplicated it this time. I want to talk back to that voice in my head that says, 'Well that's very nice for you but for the rest of us ..." We don't need to have a fancy label like meditation to act like doing nothing is virtuous. Glad you're modeling the dishwashing road to enlightenment! And happy that you come back once in awhile to be with us, in the midst of just being.
Oh my Goddess Tereza, what a fun bounty - forsythia blossom jelly? That's new. Eggs for 3 bucks? Did you travel both east and back in time?
This made me smile - mostly cause it's so.. YOU.
"I was making salmon last night (with my fresh dill and cucumber) while sipping on some local bourbon and practicing a few dance steps to a bachata playlist. I was suffused with a sense of wellbeing, not just bourbon-induced. It's been a lasting glow. It's there now with the current clouds skudding along in front of their slow-paced elders. And it's in the electric green flies buzzing on the (cat? dog? groundhog?) poop freshly laid in my flowerbed. All good although not permanent, thank Goddess!"
Agree - the labels aren't required, and probably get in the way.
Enjoy your local bounty of goodies (I know you will) and let us know how the forsythia jelly is. Best.
I join you in your simultaneous attention withdrawal into full presence, into "just this," Kathleen. (Damn. Words generally fail on describing "just this," you're so right...🙄 But thank you for putting words to it; your attempt succeeded wildly for me.)
If we were in person, we could just be in "just this" together and see each other's smiles of recognition. Someday. 😊
What a precious experience with your aunt; I'm honored and blessed to share it through your beautiful writing.
All gratitude! xox
I love the feedback, Mary and I'm glad you knew what I was getting at!
Honestly these days (I am busy with a new job at a local Garden Center, which post-June will chill out) I write only when I get that inner signal and am moved to. And it has to be quick and come out whole as I likely won't get back to it. So I was delighted when my aunt experience showed up. (I'm not surprised she gifted that on her way out, she was such a significance presence all through it.)
Someday, yes. 😊
XOX
Kathleen, it's so nice to read your "stuff" again, and this post is soooo good. "Just This" is so perfect, so simple, and so easy, but we so often miss it. And I've also missed reading your words of wisdom. I've always appreciated your depth of thought. I picture you as one of the "desert mothers," only you seem to gravitate to the woods. That's New England, after all. I needed this reminder that what we are experiencing, in what we think is reality, in fact, isn't. You said: "What we’ve been living in - the experience of separation, of striving, making our way, as separate identities in the world - that’s the illusion." And thank God for that, right? lol More please! xox
Thank you Ronnie!
I did live in the desert late 90's for a year. I found it creatively-rich. I imagine you do as well? Speaking of which how is your writing going? I hope I haven't missed an essay but that's certainly possible.
Thanks for reading and commenting - as always with your kind encouragement. Hope life is full and happy. XOX
Thanks, Kathleen. No, you haven't missed any of my recent writing since April 10th. I've been slow getting back in the swing of it after my back issue. And yes, I do love living in the Southwest. As I've said before, it's just one panoramic view after another of wide open spaces, and I find it captivating. I hope life is treating you well also. Take care and keep sharing your deep thoughts. xox
Very thoughtful. "Just this". I have had those moments of disconnection...bone rattlingy coherent yet internally cohesive. If that makes any sense!
I am glad I am not the only one.
Thought I was having a stroke.
Blessings my friend... Glad to see you. 💖
lol! Yes I've had that - am I having a stroke? - moments.
Nice 'seeing' you here, Sadie Jay, and I truly hope life is treating you well. Blessings to you. XOX
Yes, the sense of being right where you are, doing what you're doing.
Not regretting the past, not fearing the future.
Just being, and witnessing the dance around you.
Chop wood, carry water. On the lake holding the fishing rod. Mowing the grass.
Automatic attention on the mechanics while the mind rests and captures the dance of nature.
Nature is the presence of God. The perfect balance that somehow always works perfectly even when it doesn't.
I think this is why chemtrails disturb me so. It feels like the rape of that perfection. It interrupts the dance.
Sleep is often such a beautiful pause as well. When the mind allows everything to matter not, and dreams come with their surprise.
This is why death doesn't frighten me. The final time of slipping into the dreamworld. I can think of worse places to be.
Especially now that I recognize the dream state before I fall asleep. Still awake, and aware of dreaming. That tells me that the program is always running. It doesn't happen. It is. I am.
And that is enough.
Beautifully expressed, Phillip. Not that I'm surprised by that.
"Nature is the presence of God. The perfect balance that somehow always works perfectly even when it doesn't." Couldn't concur more. Always right in front of us.
Appreciate your reading and enriching comments. Best.
Thanks for that gentle reminder Kathleen... just what I needed this morning. Blessings on you... :-)
Blessings back, Barb. Thank you so much. 😊
just planted my sunflowers this morning...
😊 🌻 👏
Wow, Kathleen!!! Magnificent, wonderful, "calming" and gently profound. Thank you, thank you Kathleen.
So kind, Philip! That means a lot to me. Thank you, sincerely. 💕
This is my first stop in the morning before I read news or emails or look at anything else at all... https://www.mpeters.de/nisargadatta/index.cfm Click it and there appears one gem after another. Here's what I encountered just now that fits nice with what you've written...
"As all waves are in the ocean, so are all things physical and mental in awareness. Hence awareness itself is all- important, not the content of it."
Thanks for the link, Tom, and quote. Good way to start the day!
We are wave and ocean at once. All is well - even when the waves are gathering in a storm. Best to you.