One of the things that perpetually comes up for me is my impatience. I’ve come to think of it as a persistent, perhaps even, essential part of who I am. Largely because, despite my attempts at being patient, over decades now, I’ve been mostly unsuccessful.
Even that’s not quite right, because I’m capable of great patience in some situations (with my kids for instance) and yet in other situations, can’t seem to manage even a little bit. It’s highly contextualized in other words.
I’ve thought of it as a character flaw often: why am I not extending compassion to this person I come upon in the grocery store - who still wears a sloppy mask, dipping under their nose, so they are not even “serious” about it - but continues to don it? They are clearly stuck, or hiding, or using it as a crutch.
Why not sympathy rather than frustration, annoyance and… impatience?
It’s not just the continued mask-wearers. I’m impatient with those who will not catch up. Who stick with the narrative, ignore the compelling data, repeat the mind-numbing lies and act as if they know when they clearly are under a spell. I’m impatient with those who know there is much wrong but won’t take that final step and acknowledge malicious intent behind it.
The “pick and choose” lot who can admit to this but certainly not that. They act as if the “truth” (if that word means anything anymore) or “reality” (definitely a concept in question) is waiting on their agreement. As if those who are a few steps ahead in the blue-pill process are not possibly leading the way, but unreliable conspirators becoming untethered from reality.
“Give me the patience” is my perpetual prayer.
What’s my problem really? This is just what’s happening.
There is no clearly marked path - “this way to truth and freedom.” And we’re all just finding our way, aren’t we, with all our inner filters and biases accompanying us on the journey. Who cares if our pace is different? What does it matter if they get stuck here and you get stuck there? They take a right and you take a left, so what?
Why the impatience?
I recognize that impatience has been a key driver for me and has lots of positives as such. Also, clearly, some negatives. It’s the whole dualistic set up we’ve got going here, that seems only to resolve in paradox and poetry.
I often think of the current situation in terms of a race. The Global Predators are making moves - have been - in the background to snap in the “control-grid” (as Catherine Austin Fits refers to it) and those outside the spell - hip to the agenda - are doing what they can to alert the sleepers. (A derogatory though apt description of our fellow humans) and this amounts to a race. Can we wake enough of them before the next piece of the grid gets snapped into place? Can we avoid the upcoming pitfall? Can I get you to “get it” and help us succeed?
That’s it isn’t it? Their compliance is slowing down progress. They are getting in the way - more precisely - getting in my way, as I attempt to move towards a world where people are free from the spell and spell-makers and join forces to create a new, better and free world.
Now I sympathize with myself here. I really do. Because I need them and they are slowing me and us down. The impatience is in response to something real - a very real threat which is OBVIOUS from my point of view. I’m fueled by the obvious threat, motivated by it, frustrated and at times, hair-on-fire over it. I don’t wish to see anymore harms from the jabs. It’s upsetting. So, naturally, in the presence of a sleeper I spot a problem. “Hey you! Wake the fuck up and take off that mask!”
What’s missing in that understandable response of mine, is the larger frame of the story, that I imagine is so large, that we haven’t even glimpsed the frame itself. The frame is outside the frame; outside our current vision and perception.
What’s missing in my pursuit and in my drive, is everything I don’t know.
This is humbling.
Once I acknowledge - slow down enough to acknowledge - everything I don’t know, I’m humbled. In that moment, something else comes in. No longer do I feel the sting of impatience. Now a calming current moves in.
I reorient in that moment. If I’m wise, maybe even, I surrender to what I don’t know, can’t see and hand over the wheel. (Because, of course, there was no wheel; no steering or control - that was all illusion. )
In the reorientation that happens - when I step out of my illusion - new feelings and thoughts arise:
Who the hell am I to tell you when to wake up to something? Or to accept what looks obvious to me and yet looks like conspiratorial nonsense to you?
If I’m to have my process, well, why should you have yours?
Since I can’t see what I can’t see, and can’t know what I can’t know, then I must - if I wish to stay sane - let go and trust the larger story unfolding in what I assume to be an intelligent universe. (Why wouldn’t it be intelligent? Life itself is clearly intelligent even if we sometimes don’t behave that way.)
If I have my role to play and trust that (I do and I do) then why wouldn’t I trust yours too? Maybe your role is to play the sleeper and your moment of waking up out of this increasingly nightmarish dream, is coming, and that timing will be perfect for you.
Maybe you - the sleeper - are playing your role to perfection.
A quick example - I used to be a progressive. Looking back on those days - I see how insufferable I could be. An obnoxious know-it-all who read the NYT’s and thought she was informed. I was awful in my certainty. I didn’t know and thought I did and that’s a bad combo.
The spell I was under then was no where near what we’re dealing with now. How did I get out? I don’t know, full mystery. Any theory I might come up with to describe it would be just that - a theory, a story. I don’t know why I woke up out of that trance when I did.
I’m just grateful I did. And I look back at those who tried to tell me in my confident-ignorance that the way I was perceiving the world was at best, distorted, at worst, delusional. I couldn’t hear them - even when they were nice about.
My timing to snap out of that part of the illusion - mysterious.
This is something I want to remember.
We are in a race of sorts, but the timing is not in our hands. It never was. My impatience is likely me stuck in a conceptual model that’s as irrelevant as those masks people wear to keep others safe.
I don’t know what I don’t know. None of us do.
Today, at least, I’m feeling humbled, and I’m grateful for it, I’d like to stay humble, feel genuine compassion rather than impatience for my fellow humans and get out of my own way. (We’ll see.)
I don’t like the agenda some have for humanity. The least I can do, is not have an agenda for anyone else.
In the meantime, I will keep talking to people, keep sharing information and doing what feels right - because that’s my role.
And if I see someone in a grocery store wearing a mask, I will try to catch myself in my impatience, and extend some compassion. (Impatience is a pretty strong current in me, so I can’t make any promises.)
Thanks for reading.
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Preach it sister!
We must all -remove the log from our own eye before we can remove the splinter from our brothers or sisters eye. We are in an epic battle of good vs evil; actually a marathon, the depth of which is finally being fully realized. Keep on keeping on! Keep the faith!
The energy behind Impatience, as with other personality flaws such as greed, arrogance and stubbornness, can be refined into an asset and put in the service of your sovereign being. Impatience, with conscious self-development, can morph from intolerance into audacity. As an impatient person myself, I would not want to lose the energy behind some of the boldest decisions and acts of my life, despite the problems it caused before I had sufficient self-awareness to manage this energy.