My ex still tells our grown children they should get the jab. Still. (Or maybe it’s again.)
When I heard about it, it made me angry.
My three un-jabbed sons (“T”, “P” & “M”) each take in this persistent message of their father’s in their own ways.
The eldest - T - lets it roll off his back. He’s not about to argue, send information or try to convince his dad. That window-closed a long time ago. He changes the subject - likely to football - where they most safely connect.
The middle son - P - can’t let it go. He feels it, the ongoing split in their worlds and carries it as a burden. He’ll often avoid conversation with him because it’s too much; his father, who’s had a series of health issues over the last eighteen - post-injections - months, is no less adamant than when he got his first. For P, the subject always turns into an impassioned plea that make no difference. It’s deflating and defeating but he can’t let go of trying; a recurring heartache. (He understands what the ‘boosters’ really boost.)
Inevitably his father mentions he should stop listening to his mother and her conspiracies - which only adds fuel to the fire; he does his own research, thank you, has his own mind. This slight an added thorn. (It’s terrible when you’re not actually seen by your parent.)
Most egregiously, to have his son’s pleas, not simply rejected, but derided and mocked is… unfortunate. (Yes, mocking laughter.) For their father to continue shilling for the now obviously ineffective shots (surely he knows at least this) is baffling. Beyond any logic or reason.
The youngest - M’s - response to this idiotic request, is direct. (It doesn’t weight on him to the same extent as it does P, (I don’t think) but it doesn’t roll off his back either.) When his dad brings up getting the jab, M is quick to shut it down with a loud voice. Anger being hurt’s shield, I suspect.
These conversations I don’t witness. I hear about them - after the fact. It’s in their retelling I realize the continual grappling going on; see them try to accommodate the conflicting emotions they trigger. Emotions of wanting to be respected for their position; not wanting the opposition or anger and hurt to determine the course of the relationship; and wanting to save their father from unnecessary harm or early death.
They love their dad, they want to spend more time with him.
I wonder with the collapse of Damar Hamlin if things will change. They must. This tragedy happened less than a week after the middle son (P) asked his father what he thought was causing all the athletes to drop on the fields, if not the experimental injections? His father claimed he knew nothing about that.
Maybe now, with the unprecedented and jarring visual of a healthy young man’s collapse by heart failure - in the midst of the American spectacle of football - maybe now, we’ll see a chink in his Covidian armor.
Football resides as a focus and axis of connection for many families - how do we join but with the heart? For my sons and their dad this is the case; football season brings ritual and excitement. They wear the same team sweatshirts during the game. While they are usually in different locations - they connect via text throughout and talk at halftime. Not as fun as being able to pass the nachos, but it’s still easy to see that part of their love of the game is down to sharing it with each other.
What a dark irony: a heart-attack in the midst of the hearts-attach custom of football.
Is this what finally cracks it?
It feels a bit ghoulish to look for something good, in something so horrible.
I wonder about the future accounting of this time. It’s not as if we don’t have a history on this planet of genocidal governments and evil doings. We seem to learn about them - and then in an instant - with the right concoction of fear and programming, lose access to them. Revert to a child-like state of belief.
The reversal of my children acting as adults - they actually looked at the facts - as their father, unwittingly became childlike - mouthing the pseudo-science fables - is not lost on them. They view their father with a new lens - spotting an uncomfortable vulnerability in him; someone who, without knowing it, needs to be protected. And shitty fate - they can’t protect him.
If I thought it would help - and not make matters worse - I’d write my ex and tell him while he may mean well, he’s inadvertently hurting his kids.
I’d tell him if he wants to stay in his version of the world created by propaganda mouthpieces he’s free to do that. But please don’t provoke and mock your children who love you and are seeking to protect you.
I’d tell him, to listen to them with an open heart, (cause we can forget about open mind) thank them for their concern and recognize it’s love that moves them.
And, I’d remind him he’s fortunate than none of his kids, took that poison. Fortunate, that he’s free in fact, from the worry that plagues many parents whose children did. Blessed that way.
(I’d have a few other choice words too - which is probably why I won’t write him at all.)
https://ko-fi.com/kathleen87247
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/devanneyka1
Beautifully put and, yes, you are very fortunate that your sons are not only awake, but safe.
“It feels a bit ghoulish to look for something good, in something so horrible.”
I can commiserate on that one! My friend and I were talking. Maybe - just maybe - when Damar visited the heavens for that short period, God gave him a very important task to accomplish. Be a loud and important voice for truth.
I think the letter you would send your ex sounds loving. Maybe you ought think more about sending it. You most likely have nothing to lose.
My heart breaks for you and your sons. They are blessed to have you as their mother. They got the best part of the genes they share with you and your ex. Genes of intelligent discernment and critical thinking. God bless them Kathleen. And you as well. 😘❤️